Amazon-Rezensionen auf die Spitze getrieben

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Zugegeben, die meisten Rezensionen oder Erfahrungsberichte bei Amazon lesen sich eher dröge, viele schreiben sogar einfach nur die technischen Daten nochmal ab und formulieren sie aus. Manche sind ganz nützlich, weil sie auf Probleme hinweisen, die einem selbst auch entstehen könnten. Die meitsen nimmt man aber gar nicht wahr.

Das Verschwinden in den Tiefen des Archivs wäre aber das denkbar traurigste Schicksal, das den Rezensionen von BIC-Stiften wiederfahren könnte, die im englischen Amazon-Shop online sind. Hier scheinen sich Leute zu versammeln, um möglichst abgedrehte Berichte abzuliefern.

Meine Liebelingsrezension stammt von Matthew R. Balousek und ist eine wunderbare Verbeugung vor dem alten Genre der Schauergeschichten im allgemeinen und Lovecraft im besonderen: (Achtung! Englisch!)

Upon receiving my order, I carefully opened the box and dug through the packing peanuts in order to get to the pen contained therein. ‚Beautiful!‘, I thought, and promptly opened up my moleskine notebook to jot down to myself some notes. My previous pen had ran out of ink four weeks prior and I didn’t want to splurge on expensive shipping, which meant I had a lot of notes to catch up on writing.

But, when that quality carbide ball touched the surface of the paper, it was not ink that came out. From a distance I heard the screams of men and the cackling of innumerable ravens. I stopped, cold and sweating profusely. I looked down at the Bic Crystal black medium ballpoint pen which I held in my hand, only to see darkness. I dashed it against the wall, recoiling in horror. I saw in the corner of my eye my faithful notebook, which now lay on the ground. Once unmarred, I saw now the small mark which I had made with the devil’s own pen. It spread across the page like a plague, and looking at it I gazed upon true horrors. For, what I thought had been ink was in fact a portal to a dark, unforgiving dimension. A portal whose maw was now widening to engulf all hope and joy in the world.

‚God, what have I done?‘ I exclaimed as I weeped and fell to my knees, ‚What have I done?‘

From beyond the Dark Gate I heard these words, words which I can never forget. A terrible, booming voice said to me, ‚Ia! Ia! Cthulhu Fthagn!‘

I ran, blindly stumbling, away from that place and never looked back. My only hope is that none shall follow in the path I’ve walked down, too blinded by hubris to realize my follies.

Großartige kleine Geschichte. Ich würde den Stift sofort kaufen! :-)

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